Overbearing Great Grandmother on His Side With New Baby
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Grandparenting
Overbearing other grandmother
(79 Posts)
This is my get-go postal service.
My son and GF are expecting their beginning child (our starting time GC in Jan) this was a big stupor as they had been through a really rocky patch around the time she must have just been pregnant. Her mother sent me a hurtful message nigh my son, I didn't respond. When they told us nearly the infant, they told her parents first, my son was suddenly a wonderful person again.
Her mother has become overbearing already and it seems she has been drastic to be a grandmother. She seems to be buying everything she tin lay her easily on. We were informed that they were buying the pram, we were as well informed that nosotros could buy the cot. I would have liked them to use the cute cot nosotros have lovingly kept since having our children just without even being seen the GF has rejected it, So we are to purchase a cot, having just discovered how much her parents accept spent on the pram I am struggling to run into how we tin brand an equal contribution.
I know it's not all well-nigh the money simply I am slightly fearful well-nigh how things are going to pan out due to her female parent existence a bit overbearing and having way likewise much fourth dimension on her hands.
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You lot are finding out the facts of being a grandparent - the girl is having the baby and her parents volition exist favoured in many or all things. As the parents of the baby's male parent you volition ever come up second - that's been my feel anyway. So y'all may as well get used to information technology.
If you lot've been asked to buy a cot, that doesn't mean you lot have to buy something equal in price to what the others are buying. The best idea is to ask the new parents what they would like, and purchase that. Giving them an quondam cot isn't going to exist acceptable - immature parents similar to get something new and condom, non second manus things like we used "back in the day".
If you lot want to avoid being competetive with these other grandparents, so don't compete. Cease finding fault, keep your distance, and concentrate on the coming child, not on your own feelings. If the other grandmother is overbearing, stay away and you won't accept to experience that. Take a step back and coil with the menstruation - as the secondary grandparents you take a minor role in the situation then you may equally well become used to information technology. Good luck !
I'k sure it'll all pan out, NordschleifeQueen. Congratulations on the baby news! It's not near who buys what, as you know, and there's no need to compete on whatsoever level with your in laws. Of class you're all excited about the new grandchild and it's and so easy to get carried abroad and dash out to buy stuff that isn't needed (a lovely gliding crib in my case, off to the clemency shop after one-half an hour's use 
). Your DS and DIL volition take their own ideas near the cot, and then they should, and there may well take been rubber issues with the i you lot've saved - it would accept been kinder if they'd looked at information technology, but hey, information technology's not worth getting upset virtually, just go with the menstruation.
Welcome to Gransnet, past the way!
Jeez what a bunch of atrocious people you are. That'south the first and last time I will utilize this forum. I'grand non being competitive and not sure why we are secondary grandparents. You seem to forget I am a mother and I always made sure that neither my parents nor my married man's parents were favoured.
Yous nasty people.
Congratulations to you all nordschleifeQueen. Exciting times ahead.
Try to put your (understandable) reaction to the hurtful bulletin nearly your son to 1 side. Information technology's in the past. No signal hanging on to it.
Y'all definitely don't have to compete with the other Granny financially or any other way. Nosotros're also paternal grandparents. Bought the cot for one and contributed to a cot for the other (the one they wanted was exterior of our upkeep). The first bought their cot and gave us the pecker, the 2d asked us forth for the choosing process. Either fashion was fine by us, their baby and their choice. Information technology's understandable when grandparents to be want to purchase things for the baby, best to exist led by the parents to be though. I did buy some small items, only a few. Nada expensive though, just things I liked and believed the parents to be would as well like. I suspect they humoured me 
. It will exist fine, just relax.
Sometimes it'due south all-time to focus in the relationship with the babe's parents, don't get sucked into competition or overlook the feelings of your son and his partner. I hope the pram was their choice.p and they like/need/want the other things that are being purchased.
Try non to worry most the other family. It'south natural your sons partner volition turn to her own Mum, don't let it worry you. We notice our grandchildren take enough honey for all their grandparents. I'm certain yours will also.
I don't remember think all the posts take been harsh. In that location would always be a mix of views. Maybe give us some other effort?
Welcome Nords I was pretty shocked at Diktats mail too, I was reading it thinking where did that come from it was really sounding vindictive and personally insulting What a welcome! delight exist bodacious most people on here won't be that harsh
Kickoff of all congratulations on the new baby, I would simply go along with the pleasure of having a commencement little grandchild and forget virtually the 'other side' I would buy them the cot they desire, definitely include your daughter in constabulary in the option Don't feel too hurt almost the family cot it might take been more acceptable to offer if it was your ain daughter just understandable that a daughter in law having no history with it wants a new one
You may feel sidelined at times in the future as girls for the near part ( not all) do gravitate to their own family or mums over babies and pregnancies, looking dorsum I certainly didn't spend much fourth dimension thinking nigh my in laws I simply wanted my Mum it was slightly different as they had other grandkids it was Mum and dads first and the in laws lived away I did include them but perhaps non as much as I should have ideally
Please don't allow pushy in laws or this forum cause y'all stress just love and enjoy the niggling 1 in whichever mode you tin
💐
You lot have my full sympathy Nordschleife Queen, I am in exactly the same situation as yous, with my son'southward mother in law being wealthy and overbearing. She fifty-fifty bought the pram and me the cot! Always spending money and throwing her weight around. My relationship with my son has totally broken down thanks to my girl in law and her female parent. I live in promise that i day my son will realise he has got it so incorrect . In the meantime I send the occasional message to my son and gifts to my older grand daughter and the little one I haven't even seen. Information technology breaks my heart.
It is non petty or unreasonable of you to expect to be treated adequately and with respect as a grandma (given that your son's partner obviously will be closer to her mother). Children need as many grandparents as they can get!
I thought I had a lovely relationship with my girl in constabulary until the baby arrived and then I was pushed bated and criticised whatsoever I tried to do.
My ex-married man is trying to assist but to no avail. I think I may eventually demand to go to Court to gain access to my beautiful grand daughters.
I am blessed with the very best daughter, friends and ex-in-laws anyone could wish for - that keeps me going. She is wonderful - I just hope she will brand me a grandma again one day!
Ignore the nasty people and enjoy the little i every bit much every bit you can.
All the best!
PS - my starting time post also!
I agree Diktat's postal service was very unkind and unnecessary . I'm sorry this was your introduction to GN. Near folk are kind. Do persevere. I only accept sons and as yet no GC. I recollect it is probably true that mums favour their ain mums simply that is life. Hope all goes well.
Welcome Nord'due south, I have no k/c yet, I'm besides a Mum of boys. I hope you are nevertheless hither. Lamentable you had such a horrible rude start to Gransnet. Nosotros are honestly not all like that. I hope yous stay. Congrats on the new grandchild, how wonderful for you all. Relax well-nigh who buys what, just express your happiness to them both.
Stella, your starting time paragraph has been my feel to. Nord, congratulations on the new grandchild, hope all goes well.
NordschleifeQueen, Congratulations.
I'm deplorable you had such a rude respond to your first mail service. We are not all similar that. At that place are some lovely people on GN, delight do not judge united states of america all past that harsh response to your OP.
Hear, hear Marydoll. Please don't surrender on usa. I empathize with you and sympathise how you must experience. Congratulations and I promise things feel ameliorate soon.
Don't even attempt to compete.
Who told you that you lot are ownership the cot, my response would take been it would be nice to exist asked if I'd similar to. Generally it is causeless the adult female'due south parents exercise become offset dibs on whatever news etc regarding grandchildren, it's just a fact plain and simple, non worth stressing over.
Information technology'due south often very hard for families to make things "exactly equal". For us, for example, it would be impossible. My parents live 4 hours drive abroad and Married man'southward parents live overseas. We see my parents a few times a year and Hubby's parents every few years.
Every bit far as the cot, it may well not be safe. While it's manifestly got history attached to it, generally cots fabricated prior to about 1985 or and then aren't safe. The bars are also wide and a baby could get his or her caput stuck. If information technology'due south a drop side cot those are even more than dangerous. Obviously you lot raised your children with it, and everybody was okay, just sadly not every baby was so lucky. Every bit we larn better we do better.
You might suggest that they observe a cot they similar and then you will finance it. This is what my parents did when my sister had a baby. Y'all can set a upkeep to let them know what you can afford.
At the end of the day, how much money you spend shouldn't really matter. The infant won't detect if it'south a £100 or £1000 cot! It'southward merely a place to sleep.
Might you have some lovely infant apparel or toys from when your children were little? (Just make certain you inspect any toys for mold or broken pieces start.) Those would be special for the infant. Or, if you're crafty, yous could make an embroidered baby quilt or a nativity record. I take done this for some nieces and nephews and they are not hard to make.
Waterbaby
Unless your son and his partner aren't together, I would strongly recommend you NOT go down the court route. That's a wonderful style to ensure that you lot will NEVER come across those children again.
This is your son'due south partner. His commencement loyalty needs to be to her.
If at some indicate they do dissever, your best bet would be to see the children on his fourth dimension.
Nordschleifequeen
I'1000 another who was rather shocked by diktat's response. All I can say is that I've never seen them on GN before & such unkindness is not at all typical.
I'chiliad a paternal GM too, and
1. The relationship is different from that with the maternal GM merely not inferior and is due to personality more than than anything else. Don't permit unnecessary rivalry spoil things earlier your DGC has even arrived.
2. I never buy things for any GDCs without consulting their parents first, except small things similar books or puzzle books that I know they would like. I think it's more helpful to give money to the family unit and they can spend information technology as they retrieve fit, rather than foisting stuff on them that they don't like or is inappropriate in some way.
I hope yous manage to put the unpleasant message from the other GM nearly your son firmly in the by where it belongs.
For all y'all know, she may be deeply regretting ever having sent information technology.
The person who will well-nigh lose out if y'all fall out with the GF and her mother is your grandchild, and I'chiliad sure y'all wouldn't desire that.
Hullo Nordscheifequeen (blimey that'due south a hard ane to type) Like JaneA says...... I too am a paternal grandma of 3 wonderful grandchildren and the human relationship they have with me is very different to the one they have with their maternal grandma. Nosotros have zero in mutual and VERY different lifestyles but somehow it all just fits together.
Don't exist put off by weird post which is certainly not typical of Gransnet.
Ps Savour your grandchild that's the main thing !
Welcome Nordschiefqueen deplorable your outset post was met with such a harsh response from Diktat.
Congratulations on the new grandchild, try to relax well-nigh all this, don't be competitive simply support your family and savor the new baby.
Agnurse had a good idea well-nigh funding the cot, I recollect your erstwhile one will probably not run across current safety standards.
Expert luck.
Prams are expensive or at to the lowest degree they can be, you don't take to buy anything that is equilivlent in price.
If her parents offered to buy the pram, surely that's nice?
The rocky patch is in the by, its gone, over. It can't of been that bad if they made a babe!
If I can requite you lot my experience, its upto you lot if y'all take information technology...
I had no relationship with my MIL, similar at all, if annihilation it was obvious she didn't like me. I knew.
Did I want to spend time with her without my partner? No.
Did that get better later on I had the infant? Nope.
IME, this is the perfect time to build some bridges.
Any has gone on in the past, its done. This is a new start.
Get to know your sons partner, at that place is nothing you can do about the relationship, she's shut to her mom, she IS going to want her mom, at that place'south aught you can exercise well-nigh that & if you try hold resentment about it, information technology will hurt you! Try and build a human relationship with her and see if yous tin be her friend. That will work in everyones favour every bit time goes on.
I was besides very close to my paternal nan. And so it doesn't ever hateful the maternal nan is the 'closest'
How-do-you-do nord please do non be put off past the nasty posts. As others accept said the majority of posters hither even if they want to testify another affiche another side or viewpoint in order to assist volition not post insu h a harsh in fact no nasty mode. I look their experiences of such situations has made them lash out here sadly. If non i can run into no ned for their rudenes. As others have said, i would footstep back don't feel you lot accept to compete otherwise you volition not be able to savor the hereafter relationships that tin can develop when your grandchild arrives. If they are materialistic they need to learn that you are not any less loving than they are just because they spend more than. From what you. say the other grandmotherhoped-for sounds similar someone to have little to practice with in terms of competing only don't bring together in. If her dauhter is the same so I don't know simply hopefully your son will brand certain she understands it'southward not about who cares more spends more. I besides wondered if the cot would be ok to apply now. How old is it? In that location are things to do with paint used many years ago etc.
I don't retrieve there were nasty posts. Just the i, which has now been removed (and possibly its writer with it). Information technology's very unfortunate that someone's get-go venture into the wonderful globe of Gransnet was met with such a avalanche of corruption. I exercise hope NordschleifeQueen is yet lurking, reading the many supportive and helpful posts and considering coming dorsum.
I am a paternal and a maternal grandmother, lucky enough to be treated well by both sides, and to have lovely co-grandparents, who we get on really well with. From my knowledge of my friends' relationships with the in-laws, I'd say this was the norm. Happily.
It's nifty that you want to buy for the baby as most GM's would. Y'all shouldn't feel put out past not being able to buy the pram though. Just concentrate on loving the beautiful infant.
My DD's MiL didn't offer to contribute annihilation. Equally far as I know they didn't even purchase a pack of nappies !
DD and husband were short of cash when first DGS was born. DH and I bought the cot and the pram, and we have kept a roof over DC heads on more than i occasion. Out-laws seem more than happy for usa to do so 
The gift doesn't take to be of equal value. You buy what yous can beget. Quondam cots are notorious for their lack of modern twenty-four hours safety standards. Would you actually want your dgc sleeping in an unsafe cot?
If you keep competing with the maternal grandma, you'll lose.
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